I'd like for us to focus on psychological integration. One way of doing this is to draw a personal mandala. Within the mandala will be aspects of our lives including: family, work, friendship, hobbies, spiritual life etc. Being in the middle of your mandala and place what is of most importance (what you spend the most time/energy/thought on) to you there and then place other aspects of your life around the center.
You may choose to write about these different aspects and how you decided to put what you did in the center (or not).
Also, let's discuss the first question about integration. Also, please consider how you can become (even) more integrated.
Let me know if you have questions ;)
Love,
Saddhamala
Also, let's discuss the first question about integration. Also, please consider how you can become (even) more integrated.
Let me know if you have questions ;)
Love,
Saddhamala
Hello all,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the new blog site.
It is a challenge for me to communicate on Thursdays, so here are my musings for the week, a bit early.
I have been giving a lot of thought to the concept of integration. Years ago my work life and home life were worlds apart and I thought that was just the way my life was, and there was always this worry that I would slip and people at work would find out who I really was. It was quite exhausting.
I am amazed (so many things amaze me about the turns my life takes) that it is not so hard to just be me no matter where I am, of course, the “just me” is a much more reasonable and solid than in those days.
One place I have noticed integration is in my yoga practice. For years I had been pushing myself to the most advanced poses to get “better” and somehow prove something to myself. In the past year I have been relaxing into the poses and getting and staying in the poses are much easier, I feel lighter both more at ease and in control.
Last summer Vajra Bell had an article by Bodhipaksa about the jhanas/dhyanas, so I re-read it. It helped concretize the concepts in the reading. He describes the first as physical (sense of warmth and ease); the second as emotional/joy; he third as having thoughts that pop and drop and the fourth as mindful train of thought (like counting during mindfulness meditation). These descriptions have made more sense to me than the ones in the reading, although "taking a bath in a lake on a very hot afternoon, and afterwards resting on the bank wrapped in a perfectly clean white cloth" is a great description of total ease.
When I was a child, I occasionally had these odd sensations when I was resting, like my body was both large and small at the same time. It both concerned and fascinated me. I think I may have gone into a meditative state without understanding what was going on.
Onto the mandala: I have done similar mandalas a few times over a span of years and it would have been interesting to compare them (but I am not one to keep things). I find that I spread the most time between a number of things equally;
family, work, spiritual life, friends, yoga, playing the violin, cooking, shopping for food, keeping myself physically comfortable and eating meals.
The next ring would be spiritual reading, other reading, housework, movies, driving, and the most outer ring would be gardening, creating artwork, sewing, knitting, emailing (outside of work) and Dr appointments. On or outside the periphery would be clothes shopping and shoes shopping.
Hope you all have a good week,
Lois
you are a violinist? how cool! me too - not fantastic but i spent a lot of years teaching suzuki. i love all that you wrote, but finding a fellow fiddler is always exciting.
DeleteLois,
DeleteIt's fine for you to write on Wednesdays.
Thank you for listing Bodhipaksa's descriptions of the dhyanas - it's nice to have the list as a means of comparison.
And thank you for your mandala "rings" and your lovely description of how ease brings more depth in yoga asanas - I have had that experience and I just love it!
Blessings,
Saddhamala
hi Lois,
Deletei was laughing at your rings and that shopping is at the place the farthest away.
I too had very often the idea that working and private live are miles away...that has changed very much, also because i tried to find jobs where i can be me and i got much closer to that and that is a big relief.
i remember having this bliss moments as a child while sitting on a swing or being alone in the wood or lying just in the grass watching the small animals crawling along...
best wishes to you, Sabine
Hi Lois,
DeleteI loved your description of relaxing into your poses. It such lovely imagery and one i will carry with me because it is what I am realizing I need to do more overall in my life. Isn't interesting how as our spiritual practice deepens, the distance between our different roles in life become shorter.
Thank you!
Denise
hello, you all,
ReplyDeleteit is thursday afternoon and outside it is really cold and icy and i was looking forward all day to this moment when i can sit down and share my ideas with you.
so yesterday i draw my personal mandala, or better two of them appeared and gave me a lot to think and feel about.
The first one is how i feel, in the center there is me and at the same place is my spiritual life, meditating, studies, but it is much more - like all my awareness about myself and the world....and it also contains the things which feed me like music ( i play the flute and used to be singing in choires, ball room dancing and sports and nature which i really love and need and it is really colourful.
Then there are several concentic loops arround it -the second and closest is Stephen and our life we share, it is green, then there comes the blue circle with friends and family and the last red circle is my work.
This mandala makes me very content i would love to have it like this.
Now we come to reallity:the inner circle is me and my spiritual life, the second one is Stephen , the third is my work. My hobbies, my nourishment are somewhere flying im the skies - this makes me very sad and i feel at the moment out of balance there and feel a bit starved ...Writing this i feel sad and at the same time happy, i just decided to do a nice walk in the cold tonight!
Hi Sabine,
DeleteWhen I began my mandala I realized that I started arranging things as I would want them to be (like artwork in the center), but stopped and went back to the reality of my life. So, I can see that you would have 2 different ones. Making the mandala can be an eye opener and to take stock of what we need now.
Music, like playing an instrument and singing, are wonderful ways to center and be mindful. Have you considered practicing the flute again or do you still on a regular basis?
As I read your description of your nourishment "somewhere flying in the skies", I see you outside in the cold night air, looking up and arms outstretched to gather it back to you.
I hope that you can.
Lois
Dear Sabine,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how much this study means to you and I hope you know how happy I am that you are part of it!
I like the idea of drawing two manadalas - one for how you feel (how you would like it to be perhaps?) and the second for the reality (the way life seems right now with too much time spent working and not enough time for what nourishes you). I feel your sadness in my heart. And I imagine you walking in the bracing cold getting a glow on your face ;)
It seems that you are in a position of caring for others, for Stephen at home and at the hospital and your private practice - that takes so much energy. It also is spiritual practice, bringing all the devotion you have for Buddhism, for the three jewels, to your time with Stephen and to the people you help at work.
I wonder if there is a way for you to find more time for what nurtures you. It is so important to care for oneself so that we can continue to care for others. So perhaps you can take long baths, take time for sipping tea quietly, practicing the flute, dancing (even by yourself), singing and more time for walks. Is it possible to actually write in your date book, each day, 15-30 minutes for these things?
The happy and sad - poignancy - caring for others balanced with caring for oneself. Letting go of the "internal emergency room", turning on the answering machine, meditating quietly, honoring all the goodness and beauty within.
Thank you Sabine ;)
Love,
Saddhamala
Hi Sabine,
DeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am sending a big cyber hug to you. I used to always try to take care of everyone else before attending to my own needs and as you well know this is so exhausting. As Saddhamala mentioned even if you can set aside a little more time each day to attend to what Sabine needs, you may find it enormously invigorating. When I began to do more things for myself I also had to face fears that I had in regards to whether people would still approve of me. Staying busy and being needed all of the time I could be sure I was "worthy", but when I began to take more time for myself, this was new territory......... Best wishes for you and Stephen
hi, now there is part two about integration:
ReplyDeletein the last years i became much more integrated , i got to learn and realise the different parts within me and where i get into inner conflicts :ie how much do i care for Stephen and where do i take time for myself-this one is a steady one,or one side who wants to fight against stupid things at work, the other side is lazy and the third side wants to please and to avoid conflict......
or a very easy one: ond side wants to eat chocolate, the other side tries to forbid it and so on, a steady stream.....
To become more integrated i need time and awareness to just realise these different sides in me and then RAIN.....
I wish you a very nice week , i now go for a walk and then i am looking forward to your comments,
with metta, Sabine
I have finally realized that how I act and react in certain situations is dependent on the circumstances. There are times that it is necessary to step up and speak my mind and other times when I take a back seat.
DeleteIt used to be much more conflictual-like you say, these extreme sides of yourself.
Time helps to figure these things out; I would like a piece of chocolate because I will sit and enjoy it vs. I am eating this because I am stressed.
Denise's comments on this, 'do I have control over this situation' , yes/no,help to put things in perspective. Will this be useful to myself and others in the long run, am I being kind and caring to myself are more questions to ask.
I hope you enjoyed your walk.
with metta,
Lois
Hello again Sabine,
ReplyDeleteWhat you say about needing time and awareness for us to realize how to become more integrated is so true! It is difficult, when we are working full time and caring for family members, to have the spaciousness to get to know ourselves and allow integration to happen. So, those moments we spend meditating on our cushions are valuable. And time spend with our Dharma friends and studying all are precious moments for exploration and integration.
with metta,
Saddhamala
Hello Sabine,
DeleteI hope you had a refreshing walk and were able to relax. It is hard for me to imagine you being lazy. Perhaps exhausted might be more apt? When you mention stupid things at work, it reminds me of how I used to become so upset and angry when things didn't go the way I thought they should. This rarely happens any more in part because I have learned to stop and ask myself: Do I have control over this situation? If the answer is no, then I try to not get myself all worked up about it. If the answer is yes, then I ask myself another set of questions about whether I want to become involved to actually make things better or make myself look/feel better. Also, I ask whether I could be spending my time more productively/skilfully doing something else. Time is so precious and I try not to waste it.
Finally, a good friend once told me to imagine that I was just finding out about this interesting, compassionate person "Denise" and to imagine how I would treat her if she was doing all of the different things "she" was trying to do in her life. If she were going through a challenging time, wouldn't you feel a lot of compassion for this warm, caring person? :)
With metta,
Denise
hi Denise, Thanks for your very helpful ideas and words!And yes, i feel warm and compassionate towards me and that helps too!
DeleteWhen working on this mandala, I found it important to have most aspects of my life touching/overlapping each other. With the exception of watching certain TV shows, many of my waking hours are spent in my “spiritual life zone”. I have a regular mediation practice, regular contact with Sangha members and have been establishing a closer connection with the Buddha (through reading, reflecting and meditating). I try to use skillful speech whenever I am interacting with family, colleagues, friends as well as people I happen to run into in the course of daily life. My work enables me to put into practice a lot of dharma teachings through my interactions with colleagues and students. My exercise is heavily focuses on a martial art that emphasizes many shared principles with Buddhism (for example, concentration, mind-body integration and non-self). When I reflect upon how I interact with others, I don’t really have lots of different “multiple” personalities even though my role can change from one situation to the next. When I am teaching, I am also responsible for the students’ personal safety so I have the role of authority that I don’t have when I am socializing with friends. At this time of year my main hobby is knitting and I often make items for friends and family. Overall the lines that delineate “spiritual life” and most other aspects of my life are blending and merging. The one big exception to this is the residual “frightened child” who is afraid of being rejected by someone close because I have done something that they disapprove. I am very aware that my difficulty in doing nothing is very strongly related to the child trying to please the mother who could never be pleased.
ReplyDeleteAnother area I feel is less integrated with my spiritual life is TV watching. In the winter, I often watch one or two shows at night before I go to bed while I knit. I find crime solving shows interesting because of their problem solving focus. However, I have found that over time I can no longer watch the ones that are extremely violent or voyeuristic/sadistic. What is interesting to me is that I often consider the character’s lives in the context of dharma teachings and will find myself thinking. “Uh oh, this person is suffering because they are clinging onto something that they don’t want to give up.” So I guess I see dharma teachings everywhere, even while watching a murder mystery……
Dear Denise,
DeleteIt is clear that the Buddha, Dharma and sangha are central to your life. It seems as though your practice permeates your thoughts and actions no matter what those you are doing.
Part of being integrated is awareness of where we can be more accepting and kinder to ourselves - your example of the frightened child is such an example. Those places where we were hurt take a long time to heal. Perhaps you can send that adorable, loving child in you some metta or find another way to cherish and love her.
I don't think we are ever 100% integrated and having parts of ourselves that are vulnerable may not mean we are not integrated.
TV and knitting can be a way to relax after a long day. I'm happy to know you are mindful of what you watch.
Thanks for your honest sharing.
with much love,
Saddhamala
dear Denise,
Deletethanks for your detailed sharing about your inner states - i like very much and also experience the different pictures in the mandala as overlapping and i understand your tv experiment very well: i too tend to watch the harmless criminal stories as i feel too exausted to do something else, but for instance my night walk yesterday instead of watching tv was another good alternativ start for me.
I work a lot with my "inner child" in the MB, imagining myself at the age of 0-5 and beeing nice to the small Sabine, that really helps me very much to devellop warm feelings for myself.
What do you knit?
All the best to you, with metta, Sabine
Today I called in sick, as I have this miserable cold and could not keep getting myself to work another day. Meanwhile, here I am, resting and reading. I do wonder why I cannot just do this when I am well. Or, do nothing.
DeleteI find it interesting that you consider the character's lives (in the crime shows) in terms of the dharma. I, too, enjoy crime solving stories (books and movies) and next time I will look at them from another perspective. My husband was just telling me about the personality conflicts at his work and I found myself saying, 'how would the situation have played out had that person been more compassionate and less controlling'.
So glad to are over your cold and feeling better.
With metta,
Lois
With respect to how to become more integrated I believe I need to develop more compassion for myself and allow myself to slow down a little more. I need to create more space between when I notice something and when I respond to it. If I don’t and things are going fast, I am more likely to be reactive rather than thoughtful and kind. Since I have been practicing the metta bhavana regularly, I have become more aware of when I am not feeling very kindly toward other people. I get the most reactive when I perceive that someone else is not being thoughtful and it impacts my “personal” space (or someone to whom I am close). For example, the gym is very busy for the first month or two after the New Year and some of the newer folks who are using the facilities are not as mindful as most of the regulars I see every day. I find myself getting irritated when one of these “newcomers” leaves their stuff all over the bench near my locker and/or big puddles of water on the floor. Now there are big signs in the locker room that say – don’t leave stuff on the bench and towel off before coming into the locker room. Recently I found myself becoming irritated and thinking: “I have a rental locker and you don’t: get out of my space.” Compassionate, no. Skillful, no. Satisfying in an unskillful way. Yes……. Once I became aware of these thoughts, I was ashamed that I was feeding an “us versus them” mentality that can only lead to more negativity and separation from others. Since this happened, I have been making a conscious effort to not be judgmental about the folks that leave their stuff on the bench (or the big puddles of water). Instead I have been more aware of keeping my own space neat and tidy (hoping others might catch on….). After all this too shall pass. By March the crowds will have died down as the New Year’s resolutions fade or people find other things to do. In any case I will continue to send them metta as they make the effort to exercise so early in the morning……
ReplyDeleteI love your example of the locker room, your awareness of your thoughts and irritation. Although it is difficult to come face to face with our irritability and negativity, the awareness is good, and being kind to those aspects of ourselves that we might like to change is such good practice ;)
Deletemetta, metta, metta for ourselves and others!
Saddhamala
i enjoyed your gym story and shared it with a co-worker who has had similar experiences - trying to find a bike for spin class in january!
DeleteI understand so well your desire to have life be the way you think it should be and people behave the way you think they should.
ReplyDeleteIt has taken me so long to let go of that (well, most of that). I like how you wrote" “us versus them” mentality that can only lead to more negativity and separation from others". When I impulsively get annoyed at someone and then stop and reframe my thoughts to be kinder (and/or more realistic to what is happening) it is so that I feel better. So, next time I will consider your comment as it is true that my thoughts do have an impact on everyone around me.
Thanks!
with metta,
Lois
Hello all,
ReplyDeleteI have made comments to you, Sabine and Denise, under your postings from yesterday, so, if you have not already, please go back and see them.
Thanks,
Lois
Hello ladies! i am so sorry that i have been absent for so long. i've taken on a very temporary job (just six weeks) that is costing me about 24 hours a week i really don't have to spend. i'm so tired and i ache all over - but there are only 4 more weeks to go! i have just caught up with the discussion this afternoon, and hope i'm not too late to share my observations.
ReplyDeletei confess that i am stumbling here and not relating very easily to this concept of integration. i can't seem to get it out of the file in my mind labeled "psychology". though i know from my 8-year experience with buddhism that it is, among other things, very healthy psychology, "integration" feels like a square peg in a round hole to me.
i've been trying for weeks now to get my head around this concept. when i think of the mandala, i am not thinking in terms of people, things, activities, etc. that populate my life, but more - as some of you have mentioned - i think about the different roles i play relative to different people and groups. the center of my mandala would be blank - white - representing that which is my core identity - something i really don't understand yet, as i have been finding out that this role, that role - all of my roles - are not me. the roles i play would be a circular fan with bands representing my different roles of varying widths and colors, with overlapping, transparent, blurred boundaries, each one streaked through with colors of the others and with rays of the white coming from the center.
i am not the roles i play, and in my most sane moments, i don't have a problem with the fact that in these different roles i may think and act differently ( i am hearing denise's voice here!) as long as the way i think and act remains congruent with that spiritual core of non-identity/identity.
i'm trying guys. i'm not sure i could do any better even if i weren't so tired.
thank you all for sharing your thoughts. it has been helpful.
blessings,
nan
hi nan, you are working real hard !Hope you have at least a little time to recover.
ReplyDeletei found your command very interesting - for me it sounds as you were one step ahead of what i am trying to do -for me it is the point to get my different rols to know and to accept them -and then ,perhaps comes the moment when i will not identify anymore.......
And i like very much how you desribe you mandala.
Sleep well, sweet dreams, Sabine
thank you, sabine. i am feeling better after a bit of sleep. i hope that you have passed a restful night as well.
Deleteblessings, nan
Hello Nan,
DeleteAs tired as you are, I much appreciate your thoughts for the week.
Your description of the mandala is beautiful, I was thinking about how tissue paper can overlap and become another color and when you apply a liquid, it bleeds and blends together.
If the way you 'think and act remains congruent with that spiritual core of non-identity/identity", then it seems to me that would be integration in a big way!
I would not have thought about the mandala and roles-I made me think in a different way.
Being a rather anxious person, I have worked hard on being ok with myself anywhere I am. For me, that has been such a change, that roles I play are not that disparate.
And I am happy to hear you also play the violin. I have been taking lessons for about 6 years, so, I go between enjoying it and struggling. My teacher has an orchestra of his string students and that has boosted my playing, and playing with others just takes it to a whole different level. When we are all in sync, I play and smile.
Hope you are able to rest up.
With metta,
Lois
Hi Lois! i find that i make myself unhappy and get into trouble when i begin to believe that my role IS me - every time without fail! if things aren't going well, if i am aware enough to think clearly, i look at what story of myself i'm buying into, and what's going on that is challenging that story for me. i usually find my answer right there.
Deletei picked up the violin at age 16 and loved it immediately. i took an undergrad degree in music performance and did 2 years of grad school for a degree in music ed, but never finished. had a family instead. having started late and gotten too busy to work at it for many years, i have not become a good performer, but i found i can teach, so that's what i do - in a couple of different areas, but still in the role of teacher. i love playing in a group as well. i'm glad you have found pleasure in your music.
blessings,
nan